Tuesday, Oct. 25th, 1:04 a.m.
E-mails I write on a good dance day:
well the bad news is that it's 3am. the good news is that i really nailed that essay i just finished.
this job plus dance training which includes nite tango dancing makes me have really weeeird hours. btw a good leader tonite told me i was the best dancer there. tonight was the first time i really felt good. :) HAPPINESS!
love
me
E-mails I write on a bad dance day:
Title: You knew it was coming ...
... it's the mel-feeling-sorry-for-herself-and-unsure-of-herself-as-a-dancer
e-mail! welcome, welcome.
so, i'm crying, otherwise i would call you. what a surprise. tango is not just humbling, it's humiliating. i feel both ugly AND stupid when
i don't step right- it's just so FRUSTRATING, it's like, where do i go!??? i don't understand! and it feels like i'll never get there. iknow i know, i know it's early and it takes months to learn, but it
feels like medicine when i go now, sometimes i just don't enjoy it at all. i don't know. and homer danced tonight, he is the main teacher here and he's **really** good, really into creative stuff, like
alternative music and playing instead of just traditional. anyway he danced this AMAZING dance with this woman as a demo, and it was just
thrilling, i mean really beautiful. so i went up to him afterward and told him he was inspiring to watch and he was like "really? i felt really off tonight." i just couldn't believe that.
honestly, mayte had a lot more dance background when she started, i'm kinda worried about that. and i don't know, i just don't see it happening. i don't feel good in ballet, i don't feel good in jazz, and
i certainly don't feel good in tango. I KNOW it's only been 3 weeks and i should give it time and it takes at least 6 months in tango before you really start feeling comfortable, but i feel like a tool NOW and i want to be decent NOW. i don't even want to be good (i mean obviously i want to be good), i just want to fucking know when to step! you know?
remind me again why i'm doing this - i KNOW why i'm doing it, just to do it. plus training will give me a nice body. ;) no but really, it's really hard. it's hard to see yourself over and over day after day in
the mirror and not think, i'm not good enough, i'm really not good enough. i wish someone could watch me dance tango and tell me if i look as bad as i feel; i really have no idea. what i do know is that i'm upset and sad and my feet hurt all the time.
obviously don't take this too seriously. i think i have PMS on top of it all, plus i eat dinner at like 7 and it's like 1am now so i prob have low blood sugar too, who knows. it's just that every time i go
dancing i come out feeling more discouraged than when i went in. plus my toes are starting to feel numb, i don't know if that's a good sign.
a guy tonite told me, "don't worry, it's not a race." and i thought of you. that's something you'd say, and it's true. i just have to keep the faith. right? it's easy to say i'm not tall enough, i'm not strong
enough, i'm not athletic enough, i'm not flexible enough, i'm not good enough. it's hard to say, i'm going to keep trying, i understand that it will get better and i will get better. i will be good.
the good news is that i've gotten only A's and A+'s on my reviews for EssayEdge. and i got money from my relatives for my b-day. in fact, everything's fine - more than fine, really great - except when i'm
hard on myself and get depressed about dancing. thanks for listening, wish you were here or i was there.
luv
mel
---
So I've been going to the gym a lot. I average two exercise classes a day, either yoga and pilates or a lifting class and cardio latino, etc. I therefore found this "best of craigslist" posting completely hilarious:
To the people at my gym
Reply to: anon-99473073@craigslist.org
Date: Fri Sep 23 09:39:36 2005
To Hollywood Lifter: As you lift, you fill the gym with your grunts, groans and sounds that defy description. You like the attention. Yes, you have some big muscles. But you also have a pony tail and goatee and that makes you ridiculous. You think it makes you look like a badass. You're half right.
To Shower Honker: What you do in your own shower is your own business. But when you share the shower room with other people, most of us would appreciate you NOT covering the floor with your snot rockets. I simply don't have faith that your nasal cannons can aim well enough to hit the drain with any sort of consistency.
To Bearded Guy with Two Hot Girls: You kick ass and I want to know your story. Who are those girls? Are you their trainer? Are they your girlfriends? Is it your girlfriend and her friend? Her sister? Her roommate? Can I have one? You, sir, are an inspiration.
To Gay Asian Guy: You've dropped some weight and toned up quite a bit since you started at the gym and you are to be congratulated for that. Congratulations. Now stop wearing those shirts that say "bitch" and "twink." I have no problem with gay people. God bless you and yours. But about the last thing I want to see whilst weakly attempting to incline chest press is one of your less-than-clever shirts declaring your sexuality as you squat in front of me.
To Elijah Wood: You look just like him. Now change your nasty shirt, Frodo. But I do like your little tattoo and the band it represents. Seriously, a band tattoo? To each his own, I guess.
To Intense Blonde Girl: You really don't fuck around. You lift crazy weights considering how thin you are. Now I'm just throwing out ideas here, but maybe we could go out for coffee sometime and get married. Just a thought.
To Skinny Old Guy: You're pretty cool. I like you. That's why I'm going to recommend that you try pushing less weight. You're strong for your size, but I'm surprised you're still alive and functioning with the way you overload the machines and struggle mightily with the weights. Slow and steady wins the race. Plus, I don't want to have to pick your torn-off limbs up off the floor for you.
To Braces Guy: I know what you do with the weights before you leave a machine. Who are you trying to impress? Maybe I shouldn't care so much about this, but I hate to see you waste your effort trying to convince the rest of us of how strong you are. God loves all his children equally...Except liars, Braces Guy. Except liars.
To Hardcore Trainer: I don't care if you WERE a Navy Seal; I swear to god, if you yell out "You da man!" to a client one more time, I'm going to fill out a comment card with SO many negative comments regarding your abilities, it'll make your head spin. And if you weren't roughly 76 times my size, I'd cockpunch you. Every time I hear you yell out that catch-phrase from the 90s, I want to walk up to you and say, "No, sir...YOU da man!"
To Walking Pharmacy: I've never seen someone carry that many juices, powders and pills around with them. You're like a walking GNC. Apparently they work because you're built like Stallone (circa 1985), but your face looks just like Matt Stone, glasses and all. I'm really tempted to come up to you and ask you to do the Kyle Broslofski voice, but I'm afraid you'd eat my head for protein.
Anyway, you guys are actually great and you make each and every evening at the gym much more interesting and entertaining. Our quirks make us who we are and I wouldn't change any of you. Except for you, Mr. Shower Honker. That's just gross.
this is in or around The gym
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
