Wed., October 26, 2005, 1:07 a.m.
I have been rejected. *sigh* No, I'm not just being melodramatic: I really was rejected. For whatever reason, the university where I was supposed to study in Argentina didn't accept me, so now I have to scramble to find another one that WILL accept me, before the deadlines for admisson pass. Tomorrow, for example, instead of taking ballet and jazz, I'm taking Caltrain down to Stanford to hand deliver an express mail envelope to the Registrar's office so that my official transcript can be mailed to another university that I am considering. The big deal is, if I can't get into another university, either because they reject me too or because all the deadlines have passed, I might not get to go down to Bs.As. at all. :( This makes me very sad and disappointed.
In this time of uncertainty, I feel it would be good for me to list all the things I have going for me, because it's substantial:
- I live in house with flatmates I am stoked about and a kitchen I can bake and cook in to my heart's delight. Yesterday I made pumpkin mushroom curry soup and today I made cornbread spice muffins (yes I tend to cook when I'm stressed)
- I have free wireless at home and live 2 blocks from a comfortable café that also has wireless, so I can work whenever and wherever I want
- I just got a bike, so I am no longer dependent on the bus to get to my studio, AND there's a bike rack inside the studio, which means I don't have to worry about the bike getting stolen downtown
- I have tons of friends in the city so I can socialize on weekends
- There is an active tango scene with excellent teachers, so if I push myself, I can learn - and have fun!
- I am head-over-heels in love with my gym - it has a sauna, a jacuzzi (with jets!), it's huge, it has high-quality exercise classes, and it's super, über clean.
- my flatmates gifted me a space heater that was in the study, so my room is less freezing now. (Note: it is not warm, it is less freezing)
- I like my job as an online editor. I especially like when clients give me reviews that include "A+!" and "You're a really good editor."
I had another good night tango dancing tonight, after one last nite that made me cry. Well, really, I made myself cry. That's always how it is. I think it's worth it to post what a tango friend wrote to me because it sort of sums it up:
hi mel,
i noticed that you were a bit frustrated and flustered at the beat last
night so i just want to check if you're feeling a bit better today.
even though you only started to dance tango recently, it seems like you have
already set some very high expectations. this could be good or bad. on the
good side, it means that you are highly motivated and that you will make the
extra efforts to become a better dancer. on the bad side, it could lead to
some unrealistic demands on yourself. don't go down this road...it can do
damage to both your physical and mental health.
as i mentioned last night, i hope you will see tango as more of a journey
than a rush to reach some final destination. if you manage your
expectations, i think you will gain a better appreciation of this new
adventure that you have embarked on. for example, the bay area has one of
the best tango scenes in the country and now you're a part of it. every
night, you can choose among a variety of lessons, practicas, and milongas.
i have not even mentioned the number of great teachers and dancers in the
scene. more importantly, most of the people who dance tango around here are
quite nice and friendy...which often makes an evening out dancing that much
more enjoyable. life is good!
in my own journey, learning tango has been like riding a rollcoaster. there
are periods when i feel like i'm not any progress...but then again, there
are these special moments when everything seem to come together and i'm
fully connecting with my partner on the dance floor. to me, this is what
dancing is all about. with this perspective in mind, i don't let adversity
get in the way.
anyway, i think you're making good progress in becoming a beautiful tango
dancer. as you have started to realize, the learning process can be quite
difficult so try to find a way to persevere. by doing this, i think you
will have an increased appreciation of the dance and gain a better
perspective of your own journey.
-----------------------
Tonight, I took his advice and tried to just relax and dance; I realized that part of the reason tango is so difficult is because it involves letting go of being in control all the time. Let me rephrase: because I don't always know exactly what to do or where to step, I feel out of control. But in order to learn, I think I need to accept that for a while, this is just going to be part of the deal: I'm not going to know what to do and I'm not going to be in control.
Language spot:
These are some of the word magnet phrases on our fridge. I think they're hilarious:
"Talking dogs don't have nice pickup lines."
"The dark road has put things in your life."
"She said my words haven't any intelligence, that they dont' overshadow hers."
"Last in the race is a great finish if anyone has a knife."
"You're a big fan of gyros."
"It wasn't important why we lacked humor."
"Those guys are down for the perfect chicken."
"Is it funnier than falling for the wrong woman?
"A pessimist said girlfriends might cross you."
"Always overtip your friends."
"Most clouding is about the eighties."
"Way back speeches are not songs of answers."
And my personal favorites:
"P.S. Despite suspenders, your pants are down."
"Your embarassing quirks are like butter: sexy but extremely dull."
p.s. I wore fishnets tonight :)
