Sat., November 13, 2005, 2:41 a.m.
We begin with a Rant:
American public transportation blows. It totally and completely sucks. A trip that would be 20 minute by car winds up being an hour and a half to an hour and forty minutes on buses and trains. I am currently sitting in the TransBay terminal, waiting to take a bus across the Bay Bridge. I left my house at 11:20am, hoping to get to my dance studio at 12:30pm for a class at 1pm. It is now 12:40pm and I am going to be late - very late, because after walking to the first bus, walking here, and taking this second bus trip, I have to transfer a third time, which will be a long wait because there is infrequent service on Saturday. Eventually I will probably arrive at the studio around 1:40pm. That will be a 2 hour and 20 minute journey to go what would be 25 minutes in a car. This totally fucking sucks. And I don't want a car - I don't want to have to pay for gas and worry about parking - I just want an efficient, comprehensive subway system. UGH. OK, rant over.
So I had a not-so-good tango day. I believe I am being hard on myself again, that I'm not progressing fast enough, etc. It's OK though. I'm doing everything right, as in going to lessons and dancing a lot, so I think I need to just keep at it. That's the whole point, right? The difference between people who make it and people who don't: Perseverance.
I'm now going to explain some semi-technical tango stuff, which might go over most people's head but will be an amusing review for me re-reading this in a few years, and will mean something to Marina and my cousin Madeline at the least:
1. So I know and have known for a long time that there are two exercises I need to be doing on a regular basis, that I've sort of been avoiding. I know this because Mayte said she used to do them until her feet swelled. One is the chair exercise. A tango turn requires you to completely pivot around your partner, swiveling your hips and rotating from the side all the way to the back, to the side again. This is, like many dance steps, much better seen than described. It's also really, really hard. This is no surprise because tango is really, really hard. Anyway the point is that in order to practice this, the Women In Glittering Shoes (this is how I will refer to advanced tango dancers from now on) have developed a highly technical ritual: they dance around a chair. While I have long known that this would have to be added to my dance training if I was serious about tango, I actually began today. It is tedious, and repetitive, and does in fact make your feet swell, but I believe that it really will help me. We shall see. The other exercise is forward and back ochos (figure eights), which I haven't started yet, but are sort of included in the chair dance.
2. Things I learned today:
- In tango, you always need to keep your hips facing your partner. They describe it such that you are a planet, rotating around the sun (your shining partner), and your hips should always be facing his. This is important in more complex and advanced steps, and helped me a lot today despite the fact that it is uncomfortable and will take getting used to.
- I need to close my legs more. Yeah, yeah, ha ha, no really. Because I'm used to turning out for ballet, when I take steps in tango my legs don't stay glued together like they're supposed to. All the kicks and things in tango require you to have your legs very very together.
- I cannot forget to be low. This is the most basic difference between tango and ballet, or really tango and any other dance. You have to stay low with your knees subtlely bent practically all the time. When I really concentrate, keeping my knees slightly bent, and focusing on staying in my pivot for as long as possible ("putting a fire in your hips"), I can do the chair dance. This is exciting.
Other random thoughts from the week:
I'm proud to be where I am, doing what I'm doing.
A change of pace is really nice. I've been working in a new café this week (Grove Café for those of you who know the city) and although their *small* fresh-squeezed OJ is ˇ$4! it is really, really delicious and there's lots of energy there.
Let me just tell you, if you're going to be training, you better be OK with your body, cause you see it **all the time**, and most of the time, you're not wearing much and sometimes, doing movements that just make you look silly (and ugly!). Then, when you do go out, you usually don't make much of an effort because you're so busy rushing from home, having just gotten back from a dance class ... Maybe if I made more of an effort I'd feel better about how I looked. But it's true: sometimes I hate my body. It's odd how some mirrors, some days, some classes, some clothes make me feel good and some just don't. It seems funny that the time when I'm probably going to look the best of my life is when I feel kinda crappy about how I look. I'm actually really grateful to the Latino guys in cafés and stuff who stare at me. It reminds me that maybe I don't look as scrubby and ridiculous as I feel.
The good news is, I can tell I'm getting stronger. I can tell because I used to have to walk my bike up the last two blocks to my house to avoid the hill, and I haven't had to do that in a long time. I can tell because the pilates class that used to kick my ASS is still hard, but not *that* hard. I can tell because the machine I use to strengthen my glutes and quads is easy for me now; I have to increase the weight. And I can tell because my feet don't hurt all the time. True, I have dropped a jazz class so that is two less classes per week, but I also added one, so really it's one less class per week.
Also, because it's interesting, I thought I should include this letter I wrote after a particularly hard night. I haven't given it to him and probably won't, but it's worth posting nonetheless.
Dear Homer,
Some things you should know as my tango teacher, and also as my friend:
1. I am committed to this. No matter how frustrated I get, no matter how angry and bewildered and negative and unhappy I seem, know that there is nothing you could say or do that would make me quit. I'm not quitting. This is what I want to do. I want to learn tango to the point where I can dance professionally.
2. I am a very emotional person. I try my best to control them, and sometimes - ok, a lot of the time - I fail. Especially about things I care a lot about. I feel life very strongly. This is simply a part of my personality, so where other people might just furrow their brow in frustration, I will probably cry. Ignore this. It's just because I'm concentrating so hard and I care so much; it's not because I'm terribly unhappy and should stop, it's just a sign of my commitment.
3. I am not a naturally optimistic person. There will be times when I say "I can't do this," or "This will never happen." Ignore this as well. When things are hard for me, I get frustrated, but as much as it appears the contrary, I prefer (MUCH prefer) being frustrated and learning, than being happy and on a plateau.
4. I don't always react well to feedback. Then again, who does? Sometimes I might seem resistant, or annoyed, or downright pissy. I try very hard not to, because I really, really appreciate feedback from people I respect, like you; it's the only real way to improve. It also takes patience and talent to give good feedback, and I admire that. So I apologize in advance for any attitude or resistance I may put up. I think that I tend to get a lot of positive feedback and encouragement from leads (luckily, because everyone needs encouragement now and then), but so I'm not really used to getting feedback to improve, if that makes sense. But your role is not to tell me how good I am. You're my teacher: your role is to tell me what to work on, and how. I recognize and respect that.
5. I have a ballet background and I'm an advanced swing dancer. I think you already know both of these things, but there are certain relevant points to be made. First, in ballet you draw yourself up, up, up, all the time, and tango is down, grounded. This is challenging for me but feel free to remind me about it. Also, in ballet it's much easier to distinguish what's going on: if I'm falling out of my turns, it's because I'm doing them wrong. I don't need to worry about whether someone is leading me wrong. In lindy, I have already mastered the dance, so right away I know whether someone is a good or a bad lead, and if they're trying to lead something I automatically know what it is and can make up for their ineptitude or work off of them if they are talented. Tango is still like a mind game for me ... I can't tell if it's my fault, the leader's fault, or shared fault when something doesn't come out right. This occasionally makes me crazy. OK, all the time.
You should also know that I feel lucky to have you as my teacher and be included in the SF tango scene. The people here - and this is to your credit as one of the Tango Founding Fathers, if you will - have been nothing but welcoming and encouraging. The point of me telling you all this is to say thank you and I hope we can work together so I can become the best dancer I can be - physically, mentally and spiritually.
Melanie
Language spot:
"Dancers are the athletes of God." - Albert Einstein
More gems from my essays: (hint: a fun game is to guess how long it would take YOU to edit these paragraphs)
"‘A sound mind in a sound body.’ My parents always say that. From young influences of parents who have treated medicine directly as a pharmacist and Pharm. D. came me of now. Healthy valuableness was felt at a first hand from sides and what I could know was defending a health is also important. Moreover, it was known that the healthy spirit is to be meaning when being put in the healthy body. I studied and came in that I wanted to research into a disease treatment. From at the time of undergraduate school until now I studied the knowledge which relates, and laboratory life led me have an enthusiasm and happiness to a research. It is my dream that my research will be the help to people who suffers from diseases."
"As it is different from before 10 years and today, it is different from today and after 10 years. Just imagine me after 10 years standing in the center of my field. My dream is that my researches contribute to increase health of the mankind even in small parts. I would like to go to my dream nearly through your programs. I am ready to devote myself to study of research interests. I do not want to miss the good chance with your program together."
Also, I thought this was funny. Check out these guidelines for the statement of purpose for this school: (I esp like number 5)
Simple guidelines:
1.) Read the instructions carefully. Do not exceed 2 pages.
2.) Avoid extraneous personal or biographical information that does not inform the committee about future career plans.
3.) Emphasize what you will do, not what you have done.
4.) Provide evidence that you as an applicant are well matched to the interests of the department.
5.) Do not tell the members of the committee what they already know.
6.) Be as concrete and specific as possible about your interests and proposed course of study.
And a success story: (ps = personal statement)
> hi
>
>
> i just finish rating and I am very satisfied with your work.
>
> In fact, I sbumbit my ps to cornell before I give it you and yesterday I
> received the admission from cornell university.
> do you have any ideas about how to get loan for international students?
>
>
> thank.
