May 26, 2008, 12:09 a.m.
Working for Club Med is a cross between living in a James Bond movie and being on the set of Big Brother. Set in a gorgeous tropical location full of beautiful people, your mission is to try and get some - or rather, any - time to yourself. To do this you need to employ covert tactics and/or utilize sneaky maneuvering such as setting false leads or creating diversions. Alternatively, you need to be sure, as Bond does, that you are seen by the right people in the right place at the right time. If Club Med were a video game, you would get points, for example, for stealthily slipping away from the dance floor early (any time before midnight) while simultaneously maintaining the appearance that you had stayed out late. In other words, you have to avoid the Responsables (managers) when you are where you are not supposed to be, and you have to ensure that they see you when you are where you’re supposed to be.
Take last night, for example: We had a set-up for our beach party, which on the schedule was listed as “All G.O”. So I went at 8:15pm and schlepped some tables around to help set up, and was one of the few G.Os who actually did. I didn’t do it for the ‘credit’ but I was definitely pleased when one of the Responsables saw me. This, I figured, would buy me some points. Then I was in the tropical show, which meant that I danced in two numbers and then did crazy signs (a Club Med tradition of fun, high-energy line dances). Then we made a train of all of us down to the beach for the party, and I was in the front near the Chef de Village (the manager of the whole village - chef means ‘chief’ in French). That was great because she saw me dancing and bringing lots of energy to the party - still in costume, mind you - and participating, etc., so then a little while later, when I snuck away, I figured she either a) wouldn’t mind, b) wouldn’t notice, or c) figure I was changing out of my costume and would be back. In other words, at key events, such as the nightly dance floor, you have to do a flyby - ensuring that the right people see you. I swear it is like this, too, because one night I wasn’t on the dance floor for a line dance thing - I had snuck away just for a half an hour break - and all of a sudden I hear a loud knock on my door. My Responsable is there, seemingly upset, and says, “Where are you? why aren’t you on the dance floor? It’s on your schedule.” Apparently the Chef de Village had seen me leave the dance floor (see what I mean about sneaking away? I’m serious about it - you have to duck behind pillars and everything, at exactly the right moment), and had called my Responsable on his cell phone to yell at him for not keeping his ‘people’ in line (‘people’ is a joke because in our department there are only two of us - it’s just him and me). So because she had called him, he came knocking on my door to collect me to go back out on the dance floor. It is only a slight exaggeration to say that they are watching us all the time.
Today marks three weeks that I have been in the village, and I would say I am still adjusting. I am still learning about how to find time to myself, and I am still working out who my close friends will be. There is one girl here who I have bonded with, but it is difficult to find time to be able to get together and hang out. We all receive written schedules of the week, which let us know which uniform to wear each day and what we have to do or where we have to be. So instead of coordinating daily planners with a friend, you look at your schedule and try to find a space to hang out. It was actually pretty funny with that particular girl, because after looking at our schedules, we determined that the best time to meet up would be during one of the shows (neither of us were in it). And because we wanted to really talk (which is hard when you’re on-site, because you’re going to be overheard by either G.Ms or other G.Os, neither of which is ideal), we ended up going for a moonlit walk on the beach. It was very romantic. ☺
Getting enough sleep is one of my biggest challenges. I take a nap every single day, usually for about 45 minutes, and that helps a lot, but it is still hard to get the rest I need. Because I work in the Excursions office, we often have early departures, which one of us needs to be up for. Breaking down a party at 1:30am and then waking up for a 7:45am departure is a recipe for disaster for my sensitive system - I am like a toddler when it comes to getting sleep. Sleep-deprived, I am emotional, irritable, unable to concentrate, and generally useless when it comes to decision-making. My manger discovered this when I recently had a breakdown in the office: without meaning to, I started to cry in front of him because I was just so tired. He freaked out at first (“Oh my god! Woman crying. Don’t - know - what - to do!”) but was then receptive and we have worked out more or less what needs to happen. We’re going to make sure that I don’t do late nights plus early mornings - that it’s either one or the other, and I’m going to leave the dance floor a little earlier than our ‘suggested’ time of 12:30am (they don’t technically require G.Os to stay out that late, but it is strongly encouraged). In general I would say that the joy I bring to my work and the amount of fun I’m having is directly correlated to how much sleep I have gotten. Since arriving I have kept a little calendar-diary in which I record my energy level for the day and ‘important’ events (i.e. ‘breakdown’ in reference to my office meltdown) and I have observed that I am happier and in better shape to do my job and be there for the guests when I’m well-rested. It is very difficult for me to keep it together when I’m tired.
Highlights of the past few weeks also include being in the trapeze show one night. I really like trapeze and have been going a lot. Luckily my schedule allows me to make it to the afternoon session, although I work at 6 and they do catches at 5:30, so I generally have to run away after I do one catch. In case that is confusing, from 4-5:30pm they do regular trapeze, where you swing on the bar by yourself and perform tricks, and then at 5:30pm one of the circus guys gets up on the other bar and you do the same tricks you were doing before, only this time you let go of the first bar and present your hands out in front of you, which the catcher then catches. It’s exhilarating - probably my favorite thing here. There’s nothing like the solid feeling of the grip of the catcher as he grabs you.
In more philosophical news, lately I have noticed that I am receiving lessons in two distinct areas: one, healthy boundaries and safe people, and two, direct communication. I’m noticing that these days I’m less and less willing to tolerate uncertainty when it comes to other people and my interactions with them. Rather than try to guess what they’re thinking, I am more inclined to directly address concerns with people. For example, the other night one of my coworkers and I had a conversation that left me feeling angry and frustrated. I actually removed myself from the discussion midway through because I was so irritated, which in and of itself felt like an incomplete interaction. Then the next day I noticed that I still felt upset about it, and I also observed that when I saw him I didn’t address it at first, but merely treated him differently (I was chilly, almost to the point of ignoring him). Then, after thinking about it and journaling about it - in particular regarding exactly what I wanted to communicate - I went up to him and asked if we could talk. There was a part of me that resisted this, that wanted to revert to my old pattern of just deciding what I thought about him and then shutting him out, but I feel that this is a lesson of mine: I believe I’m supposed to express myself and my feelings, simply for the sake of doing so. I also want to own my emotions even when I understand that I’m being ‘immature’ or ‘silly.’ I put those words in quotes because the truth is, no justification is needed for emotion - something makes you feel a certain way or not. You can choose what to do about how you feel, but you cannot always choose how you feel. And admitting you feel angry is the first step towards expressing it and letting it go, rather than just telling yourself, “No, I’m not really angry - I understand why he said that,” or whatever other stories you tell yourself. Anyway - I directly addressed my concerns with the person, telling them what made me angry and why, and to my surprise he actually apologized. I wasn’t expecting a very hospitable response, but I got one, which made for positive reinforcement for next time.
On a related note, right now I’m struggling with a different but related situation: there is another staff member here who seems … I’m not sure what the word is. Frankly, she seems like she doesn’t like me, but I have recently discovered that it’s not just me - another person has gotten the same sort of irritated/bossy/unfriendly vibe from her. My sense is that she feels threatened by certain people, and whether she realizes it or not, she is distinctly but subtly unfriendly towards them. I’m not sure what to do about it because again, I’d really rather not do my usual of ignore-the-situation-and-write-off-the-person thing. Then again, I’m not sure exactly how to address it. “Hi _____, I was hoping we could talk for a moment. Sometimes I get the feeling you don’t like me or that you’re upset with me. Am I misreading the energy here, or is there something wrong?” I don’t know. I do know that I don’t like how the energy is right now and I’d like something to change. It’s complicated, though, because it relates to my second lesson that I feel is up for me right now, which is determining who is safe for me and who is not. By ‘safe’ person I mean someone who is good for me in terms of making me feel like I can safely share myself with them honestly, and that they won’t judge or invalidate me. For me, that means someone who is a good listener in a very particular way, and who is trustworthy. Anyway, I’m pretty sure that this girl is not a safe person for me because she has already proven herself to be subtly unkind towards me - just enough to make me feel unsure and bad, but not enough to be obvious about it. This is what I mean about safe - I can tell who is safe for me and who isn’t by how I feel after I interact with them. If I feel a sense of emptiness, sadness, or distress, no matter how technically ‘nice’ they were or whatever, I know that I’ve been given valuable information: they’re not safe for me. And it doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person, it just means that they’re not good for me personally. Anyway, back to this particular situation: I felt closer to my other coworker after talking to him about what happened between us, so perhaps I should do the same with this girl. On the other hand, I’m not sure exactly how to go about it, because what I want to communicate is twofold: One, “I want to be friends with you and have the energy between us be open and free.” And two, “I want you to know that I am a strong and complete person and I have my boundaries intact. You will not be able to walk all over me, so if you are looking for a victim, someone to be rude to without them calling you on it, look elsewhere.” I’m ok with how to craft the first part of the message, but I’m not sure how to communicate the second part in an assertive but non-aggressive way. Anyway, if anyone has any thoughts on this, let me know. I have many more deep thoughts to share but I want to get this entry out. Until next time!
Language spot:
This is from a card from a friend and I wanted to share the wealth of wisdom in it … every time I read it I feel a clean breath of relief sigh through me:
Walk in the rain
Smell flowers
Stop along the way
Build sandcastles
Go on field trips
Find out how things work
Tell stories
Say the magic words
Trust the universe
